This is our informational skit. How do you like it? Please comment.
ALLOPRINT SKIT
Shredder 1: [shredding & major whipeout] [SPLAT] OW!
Shredder 2: Whoah, that was cool, but look at your arm!
Shredder 1: Oh man, that looks bad.
S2: Well, let’s go to the hospital. [Get in car & move forward RummRumm Break ]
Doc.: Hello, what seems to be the problem?
S2: He wiped out big time & smashed his arm.
Doc.: Well, we’d better scan it. [runs scanner up and down arm BeepBeepBing ] [looks at screen] There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with this.
S1: Wrong arm.
Doc.: Ohhhh. [scans arm BeepBeepBing ] Okay, you have a major fracture to your ulna. [SB 1 whispers “My what?”] You’re going to need a bone graft.
S1: Why do I need a bone graft?
Doc.: You’ve damaged the bone too much for just a cast. You’ll need a graft so your bone can grow into the gap and fill it in. Other reasons you could need a graft would be to replace a bone damaged from osteoporosis or cancer. Anyway, there’s a bone replacement drive thru around the corner. [hands SB 1 a flash drive] Here’s your CAT scan information.
[S's get back in car move forward RummRumm Break ]
Menu: Hello, May I help you choose bone replacement option?
S2: What about titanium? There’s no way he can wreck that.
Menu: Good choice, your body will like that. Titanium is very strong and it is also one of our cheapest options. The only downside is that it may come detached from your bone and require replacement surgery. Also, because titanium is much stronger than anything in your body, it can eventually damage the area around it. If all goes well, it will need to be replaced in about 10 years.
Translator: Translated: It could fall out [BOINK], or not. Either way, we’ll probably see you again.
S1: Not titanium, then. Hmmm, rattan?! I thought that was a kind of wood.
Menu: Good choice, your body will like that. Rattan bone is chemically altered and superheated to make a bonelike material. Your bones will fuse well with this substitute, and eventually replace it. Testing has gone very well in sheep [BAAA], and if you’d sign this Liability Release, [hands out log page of fine print] we can try one in you. Your rattan bone replacement should be ready in a few weeks.
Trans: Translated: It should work, but then again, you’re not a sheep [BAAAA].
S1: But my arm hurts NOW!!!
S2: Cadaverous bone then.
S1: Ewwwww.
Menu: Good choice, your body will like that if we have your type on hand. One moment please. [Keyboard tapping or beeping]. I’m sorry, your match has passed its freshness date. That choice is not available.
Trans: Translated: Its has mold on it [Wa, wa, waaa].
S1: Okay, tantalum. What the heck that?
Menu: Good choice, your body will love that. A Laser Engineered Net Shaping machine prints Tantalum bones with a porous structure to make them fuse better with your bones. The LENS machine melts together tantalum powder to create metal bones that can also be used to create stronger structural grafts. Eventually your body will absorb the tantalum leaving your fresh bone in its place. There’s only one LENS machine in the state, so your bone should be ready in 1 to 4 weeks.
Trans: Translated: You might be sitting here for a month [Groan].
S2: Okay, we’re left with the AlloPrint. Sounds technical.
Menu: Good choice, your body will like that. Allomatrix is like putty that can be molded in the operating room, so it is very easy to get the right shape. Our exclusive, patented AlloPrint technique uses Allomatrix, your CT scan and a specially modified 3D printer to quickly create a custom shape to fit into any holes your bone may have. We can print it out while you’re on the table.
Trans: Translated: It’s awesome [Whohoo]!!
S1: Whoah, must be expensive.
Menu: Not really. Allomatrix is a commonly used bone replacement material, and regular 3D printers can be purchased for $10,000 or less. If that is your selection, please insert your flash drive with your CAT scan information to check for material compatibility. [SB 2 inserts the flash drive]
Menu: Your injury is compatible with our patented AlloPrint technology. Please full forward to the operating drop off.
[move forward RummRumm Break. SB 1 gets out in front of Surgeon]
Surg.: Welcome, come right in! And you sir [to driver] may pull forward and order a delightful refreshment while you wait. [move forward RummRumm Break ]
Order: Good afternoon sir, I can take your order whenever you’re ready.
